My ability to commit to fluid writing of late is almost inexcusable and totally embarrassing. To my readers, I owe you all one heck of a story, life update and apology.
I should figure that if I don't just get on with it and address some of these backlogged occurrences in my life, that the wheels of Soulfully Stella will never turn again.(Surely, We can't let that happen!)
I equated forgiveness in this instance to mustering the courage to have one civil conversation with this person without succumbing to the primitive urge to Slap him forcefully in the ear- rupturing his ear drum or sparta kicking him straight in the sternum off a cliff into a chasm of "things and people I regret"
Truly, I have journeyed a long way from the deep loathing and resentment and I feel that it is only apt to share some of my lessons with you.
Taking it from the very beginning..*cues music*
Let's start with THE PURGE.
Once upon a time, there lived a woman named Stella who wanted readers to know that there is no such thing as someone who loves you yet is confused about you.This new age has made knowledge more accessible yet has confused us greatly by blurring the lines of communication. Many men and women are CONFUSED- unable to determine whether someone is into them or not. Lemme just save you a lil time by switching to my conclusion- There is no grey area. Do not fool yourself into thinking that someone half way wants you- its either they do or they don't. Many of us get pegged on the waiting line while the object of our affection is out on the "playing" field whilst we're just hoping that one day, the crust will be swept from their eyes and they will see that really- its been us all along and that we're the ones for them. No! Save yourself the time, you've only got this one life and eternity with the Father if you live this one right. Save yourself the money too- Stop coughing out the Sir Arthurs (thats XCD 100 notes for those of you who aren't familiar) for people who just want the comfort of your doting stroking their egos. Someone who wants you will make up their minds about you. They won't leave you on the back burner whilst they entertain other people. They won't feign interest in you yet entertain their exs nor will they continue to add to the sauce aka drama in their lives. Most people have a story and its unfair to rule out a man solely because his life may be a bit unsettled HOWEVER, a man with a good plan and vision for the two of you will quickly make large strides to eradicate any drama that may be a deterant to you. He will make every effort to prove to you that he is serious about not wasting your time 2017.
Note also, that some uncertainty can be genuine- for instance, some people just want a little more time to see if you are who you claim to be before they turn in their single status- but you are under no obligation to sit and wait for someone to make up their mind about you- especially if you've noticed that they enjoy the perks of flirting or having strung on admirers.
Secondly, (Ha!I haven't used "secondly" in eons- it feels so "secondary school English comprehension and writing") but back to the point! You deserve a sabbatical. I am thoroughly convinced that some persons do not heal as fast or as well from situations because they refuse to take a break. Social media has convinced us to stay at a pace where we can delude others into thinking that our lives aren't subject to stressors or mishaps. We constantly need to maintain an image but in reality- we all know that at times there can be more chink than there is shine in our armour. You don't owe anyone an explanation for staying low key or being about your business. Remember, it is far better to have a happy and healthy life than to convince others that your live is void of dysfunction, whilst the problem-tea only brews stronger.
Unfollow!! I cannot stress this enough! Frankly so much value is placed on a follow or friend request these days that its almost like "cursing your muda" if someone dares to unfollow you. UNFOLLOW THEM ANYWAY. To follow someone is to be influenced or lead by them in someway- remember that! You may not fall down and worship them but you give them the power to influence your emotions and thoughts- maybe by provoking you to jealousy when you see their eat-pray-love trips to Bali or just their attempts at further disregarding your emotions.
It has been quite a journey of avoidance and self care. Avoidance because I came to notice that all interaction left a trail of misfortune that was primarily mine to tend to after and so in order to make any progress I needed to of course douse the blaze that was consuming my happiness. Self care, because I now needed to tend to the garden that is myself and ensure that I was operating like a healthy and happy human being.
The intricacies of such a process are quite long and another post all by themselves but all the healthy practices I indulged in during my sabbatical allowed me to have a docile reaction to this human being. I found myself in the position to extend courtesies where I once thought there would always be disdain.
I am a firm believer that forgiveness is important and necessary and that forgiveness does not constitute reconciliation.For what its worth, I am not interested in reconciling my relationship with the person who emotionally abused me.I am proud however of the liberty that forgiveness (no matter how feeble the attempt) has afforded me. I know now that I won't flee a gathering or run to hide away in fear as was the case when I had a surprise encounter with this individual before. I now have the courage to walk this earth with a more relaxed disposition than I could before.
Though I have only shared but a few tips on the first steps, I encourage you all to stay tuned as the purge is necessary so that all the wholesome emotional grounding can take place,
Brace Yourselves.
Stella has returned.
I should figure that if I don't just get on with it and address some of these backlogged occurrences in my life, that the wheels of Soulfully Stella will never turn again.(Surely, We can't let that happen!)
I equated forgiveness in this instance to mustering the courage to have one civil conversation with this person without succumbing to the primitive urge to Slap him forcefully in the ear- rupturing his ear drum or sparta kicking him straight in the sternum off a cliff into a chasm of "things and people I regret"
Truly, I have journeyed a long way from the deep loathing and resentment and I feel that it is only apt to share some of my lessons with you.
Taking it from the very beginning..*cues music*
Let's start with THE PURGE.
Once upon a time, there lived a woman named Stella who wanted readers to know that there is no such thing as someone who loves you yet is confused about you.This new age has made knowledge more accessible yet has confused us greatly by blurring the lines of communication. Many men and women are CONFUSED- unable to determine whether someone is into them or not. Lemme just save you a lil time by switching to my conclusion- There is no grey area. Do not fool yourself into thinking that someone half way wants you- its either they do or they don't. Many of us get pegged on the waiting line while the object of our affection is out on the "playing" field whilst we're just hoping that one day, the crust will be swept from their eyes and they will see that really- its been us all along and that we're the ones for them. No! Save yourself the time, you've only got this one life and eternity with the Father if you live this one right. Save yourself the money too- Stop coughing out the Sir Arthurs (thats XCD 100 notes for those of you who aren't familiar) for people who just want the comfort of your doting stroking their egos. Someone who wants you will make up their minds about you. They won't leave you on the back burner whilst they entertain other people. They won't feign interest in you yet entertain their exs nor will they continue to add to the sauce aka drama in their lives. Most people have a story and its unfair to rule out a man solely because his life may be a bit unsettled HOWEVER, a man with a good plan and vision for the two of you will quickly make large strides to eradicate any drama that may be a deterant to you. He will make every effort to prove to you that he is serious about not wasting your time 2017.
Note also, that some uncertainty can be genuine- for instance, some people just want a little more time to see if you are who you claim to be before they turn in their single status- but you are under no obligation to sit and wait for someone to make up their mind about you- especially if you've noticed that they enjoy the perks of flirting or having strung on admirers.
Secondly, (Ha!I haven't used "secondly" in eons- it feels so "secondary school English comprehension and writing") but back to the point! You deserve a sabbatical. I am thoroughly convinced that some persons do not heal as fast or as well from situations because they refuse to take a break. Social media has convinced us to stay at a pace where we can delude others into thinking that our lives aren't subject to stressors or mishaps. We constantly need to maintain an image but in reality- we all know that at times there can be more chink than there is shine in our armour. You don't owe anyone an explanation for staying low key or being about your business. Remember, it is far better to have a happy and healthy life than to convince others that your live is void of dysfunction, whilst the problem-tea only brews stronger.
Unfollow!! I cannot stress this enough! Frankly so much value is placed on a follow or friend request these days that its almost like "cursing your muda" if someone dares to unfollow you. UNFOLLOW THEM ANYWAY. To follow someone is to be influenced or lead by them in someway- remember that! You may not fall down and worship them but you give them the power to influence your emotions and thoughts- maybe by provoking you to jealousy when you see their eat-pray-love trips to Bali or just their attempts at further disregarding your emotions.
It has been quite a journey of avoidance and self care. Avoidance because I came to notice that all interaction left a trail of misfortune that was primarily mine to tend to after and so in order to make any progress I needed to of course douse the blaze that was consuming my happiness. Self care, because I now needed to tend to the garden that is myself and ensure that I was operating like a healthy and happy human being.
The intricacies of such a process are quite long and another post all by themselves but all the healthy practices I indulged in during my sabbatical allowed me to have a docile reaction to this human being. I found myself in the position to extend courtesies where I once thought there would always be disdain.
I am a firm believer that forgiveness is important and necessary and that forgiveness does not constitute reconciliation.For what its worth, I am not interested in reconciling my relationship with the person who emotionally abused me.I am proud however of the liberty that forgiveness (no matter how feeble the attempt) has afforded me. I know now that I won't flee a gathering or run to hide away in fear as was the case when I had a surprise encounter with this individual before. I now have the courage to walk this earth with a more relaxed disposition than I could before.
Though I have only shared but a few tips on the first steps, I encourage you all to stay tuned as the purge is necessary so that all the wholesome emotional grounding can take place,
Brace Yourselves.
Stella has returned.
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