As a young believer in Jesus Christ, I have always been a little hesitant to call myself Christian. The word passes my lips yes but not without the constant conviction of whether I am actually living up to the name. None of us are without flaws and indeed, as has been said, we all fall short of the glory. However, what confuses people is that a lot of us appear like we don't have flaws or would like to pretend that we don't fall short. So as I address this from a Christian standpoint, I hope that my fellows who are also growing in Christ soften their hearts and open their minds to an understanding of just where I am coming from.
I want to forgive in my spirit. I know its the right thing to do. I know that God and others have forgiven me and so I should extent it to those who have offended me, even when they may never understand my perspective and may justify till they day they die as to why I was a recipient of their ill-treatment. I know I should.....in theory. I don't know how ...practically. I don't know how many people out there can identify with what I am about to say but I feel like I can let some offenses go. Others, I feel like if I forgive it, I condone it and I make room for the gross advantage to be taken all over again. The idea of forgiveness is meant for the strong but before you feel strong about it...all you feel is weakness. There is a layer of protection,perhaps a false sense that comes from bearing a grudge, after all, an angry face keeps people away and the last thing you want when you're hurting, is to have your offenders circling over you waiting to take another jab.
UNFORGIVENESS IS SUSTAINED BY MEMORY. It has been said to forgive but don't forget. Others say, forgive AND forget. Personally, forgiveness will remain but a figment of ones imagination if they are unable to forget. Now, in my experience, that doesn't mean forgetting the event in its entirety but it definitely means unplugging the emotions that sustain the memory.
In my battle with unforgiveness, I noted the power which lay behind the painful memories which were difficult to forgive. With each flashback, the emotions were so active and flowing that memories, once revisited became a very real and "present" occurrence for me. I was reliving the disappointment, the heartache, the hurt, the anger and the feelings of betrayal all over and as much as I wanted to stop myself theoretically...I honestly didn't know how to stop feeling those emotions.
Forgiveness is a very necessary remedy for us but if in fact we analyse how many of us go about it...or how we may crucify those who have difficulty extending it...we would realize we are far from the benchmark that God set. Forgiveness isn't just pardoning the woman who cut across you in line and then had the audacity to give you attitude. It becomes more complex with real life, real heart situations. Forgiveness is a process that we "angry" ones, "hurt" ones and "bitter" ones must go through.
It is easy to tell someone to forgive and it is a very different situation living in the shoes of the individual who has to extend the forgiveness, even when this forgiveness will mean blessings and abundance in this individual's own life. There are women, who are struggling to forgive men who abandoned them in pregnancy and now must raise the children of that relationship alone. There are husbands who are struggling to forgive the infidelity of their spouses, children who cannot even wrap their minds around forgiving an individual who violated them and stole their innocence. There are embittered lovers struggling with the idea of forgiving the various factors that have destroyed their highly treasured past relationship. Forgiveness is a big idea.It is only for the strong but most times those of us who need to extend it most do not always feel strong about extending it.
Forgiveness does not come immediately and that is dependent on the degree of offense. It takes time. You should also take your time and not rush the process simply because you want to prove to yourself that you are bigger than the situation and quickly rise above it, which was my initial mistake. I wanted to ignore the offense. If I could let it just slip right off my back like water on a duck...I would be unaffected and I wouldn't have to sit through the arduous process of forgiving people...and the process of sitting with myself and admitted where and how badly things took a toll. I didn't want to do the damage control....because the damage was really bad- pretty much a crisis and I wasn't prepared to declare a state of emergency over my life. That however was not the sort of declaration I had to make to fix things. I had to commit to myself and my healing. I had to operate under my spiritual conviction. I had to understand this overlooked part of the Lord's prayer- I had to forgive others for their trespasses against me as God forgave me. I, no doubt am a speck of dust compared to God's might and his ability to forgive but for "peace"-sake I had to give it my best shot. I had to commit to practicing forgiveness and doing a big thing (forgive) even when I felt quite small and I had to make sure it was the good and golden,true forgiveness. All of this was suppose to come out from a hurt,angry and bitter heart. I had to embark on a forgiveness journey and so I set out to address my pain and speak on forgiveness from a very practical and personal perspective.
My upcoming posts will be to that effect.
Un-forgiveness is a real problem, facing real people and we all really need to be able to deal with it. Not for the sake of those who have hurt us for but for the peace which we all deserve to live with.
"How can man expect to sore with a heavy laden heart?"- L.Duncan
To my unapologetics~Stay Soulful
Unapologetically Soulful
Love Stella.
See you soon.
Stay Posted.
I want to forgive in my spirit. I know its the right thing to do. I know that God and others have forgiven me and so I should extent it to those who have offended me, even when they may never understand my perspective and may justify till they day they die as to why I was a recipient of their ill-treatment. I know I should.....in theory. I don't know how ...practically. I don't know how many people out there can identify with what I am about to say but I feel like I can let some offenses go. Others, I feel like if I forgive it, I condone it and I make room for the gross advantage to be taken all over again. The idea of forgiveness is meant for the strong but before you feel strong about it...all you feel is weakness. There is a layer of protection,perhaps a false sense that comes from bearing a grudge, after all, an angry face keeps people away and the last thing you want when you're hurting, is to have your offenders circling over you waiting to take another jab.
UNFORGIVENESS IS SUSTAINED BY MEMORY. It has been said to forgive but don't forget. Others say, forgive AND forget. Personally, forgiveness will remain but a figment of ones imagination if they are unable to forget. Now, in my experience, that doesn't mean forgetting the event in its entirety but it definitely means unplugging the emotions that sustain the memory.
In my battle with unforgiveness, I noted the power which lay behind the painful memories which were difficult to forgive. With each flashback, the emotions were so active and flowing that memories, once revisited became a very real and "present" occurrence for me. I was reliving the disappointment, the heartache, the hurt, the anger and the feelings of betrayal all over and as much as I wanted to stop myself theoretically...I honestly didn't know how to stop feeling those emotions.
Forgiveness is a very necessary remedy for us but if in fact we analyse how many of us go about it...or how we may crucify those who have difficulty extending it...we would realize we are far from the benchmark that God set. Forgiveness isn't just pardoning the woman who cut across you in line and then had the audacity to give you attitude. It becomes more complex with real life, real heart situations. Forgiveness is a process that we "angry" ones, "hurt" ones and "bitter" ones must go through.
It is easy to tell someone to forgive and it is a very different situation living in the shoes of the individual who has to extend the forgiveness, even when this forgiveness will mean blessings and abundance in this individual's own life. There are women, who are struggling to forgive men who abandoned them in pregnancy and now must raise the children of that relationship alone. There are husbands who are struggling to forgive the infidelity of their spouses, children who cannot even wrap their minds around forgiving an individual who violated them and stole their innocence. There are embittered lovers struggling with the idea of forgiving the various factors that have destroyed their highly treasured past relationship. Forgiveness is a big idea.It is only for the strong but most times those of us who need to extend it most do not always feel strong about extending it.
Forgiveness does not come immediately and that is dependent on the degree of offense. It takes time. You should also take your time and not rush the process simply because you want to prove to yourself that you are bigger than the situation and quickly rise above it, which was my initial mistake. I wanted to ignore the offense. If I could let it just slip right off my back like water on a duck...I would be unaffected and I wouldn't have to sit through the arduous process of forgiving people...and the process of sitting with myself and admitted where and how badly things took a toll. I didn't want to do the damage control....because the damage was really bad- pretty much a crisis and I wasn't prepared to declare a state of emergency over my life. That however was not the sort of declaration I had to make to fix things. I had to commit to myself and my healing. I had to operate under my spiritual conviction. I had to understand this overlooked part of the Lord's prayer- I had to forgive others for their trespasses against me as God forgave me. I, no doubt am a speck of dust compared to God's might and his ability to forgive but for "peace"-sake I had to give it my best shot. I had to commit to practicing forgiveness and doing a big thing (forgive) even when I felt quite small and I had to make sure it was the good and golden,true forgiveness. All of this was suppose to come out from a hurt,angry and bitter heart. I had to embark on a forgiveness journey and so I set out to address my pain and speak on forgiveness from a very practical and personal perspective.
My upcoming posts will be to that effect.
Un-forgiveness is a real problem, facing real people and we all really need to be able to deal with it. Not for the sake of those who have hurt us for but for the peace which we all deserve to live with.
"How can man expect to sore with a heavy laden heart?"- L.Duncan
To my unapologetics~Stay Soulful
Unapologetically Soulful
Love Stella.
See you soon.
Stay Posted.
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