Saudade

I came up off my knees and there you were -like an answered prayer.
Your circling hand had rubbed my pain away.
You blew the tears out of my eyes.
I've just been lugging around-trying to find fluidity.
Trying so desperately to find someone who would understand.
But no one really does.
You're the catch, you're the friend, you're the great guy.
But they don't know you like I did..and as I pull the knife out my chest-I'm going in and out of hallucinations as to whether I knew you either.

I do not understand,My Love.
I cannot fathom the cunning. I can't comprehend your reasoning.
Words just cough out of my finger tips.
Choking and dusty.
Choked and dusty expression from a soulless writer.
A broke down writer.
A broken down writer.
A heartbroken writer.

Inspiration was a thing of its own but then I found you
 and I found love
 and then I knew that Inspiration wasn't a thing of its own
but inspiration was love. and you are my inspiration, My love.

I have nothing left.
I have no words,just dust, clouding the air
choking the atmosphere.
filling the ears of my loved ones as I try to tell them where and how it hurts.

I thought my heart sustained my body and life
but I found that to be false.I can't safely tell others that I'm a dead woman. It sounds scary.
I have no words, no inspiration.no love.no life. No you.

Just skin roaming routinely over the earth...with a chokey, dusty, broken, uninspired heart.
 With fingers dry as bones.
I need my Love,
so I bend my head and fall to my knees and say a prayer..

Oh Lord God, Heavenly Father, he has left with my soul and all that I have- Help me Jesus..