I kept dabbling with old seasons. I seemed to have so much drag when it came to accepting a situation and moving on. Overly determined to have a silver lining, I would find myself suffering greatly, creating one out of my own grey hair if I had to.
I simply stuggled with how to let things go. I simply struggled with how to let him go, to let disappointments ease into the past. I kept reliving my anguish. My lessons kept reappearing. How many times was it all going to be the same ending.I wanted a happy ending.
I have resisted my lessons. I have resisted the substance of many of my painful experiences and I have obsessed over simply extending the moment,with hopes that things could be different.
I look back now, amazed at the strength in character I gained from the lessons I didn't resist. I have no idea where that sort of development came from but I am proud of myself. If only I could approach those difficult areas in my life with such clarity and focus.
Truth be told, I knew better..I think we all know better, *you know?*....
Our spirits send up smoke signals, alerting us.
We hear the loud horns,telling us that the ship we should be on board in about to sail.
We tend to have a small voice that tells us to do better, even when we choose not to.
In bitterness, I spread my accumulated toxins thick. I blamed where I could and accepted small burdens. It would be too big a burden, to accept that I had done this to myself. I could barely stomach my reality and the betrayal I was feeling, much less to wrap my wounded mind around the fact that I was my own perpetrator...when did I become my own traitor. Where was my line of loyalty. It was drawn in sand...and so amidst rough times and strong wind...it got brushed away.
I had to face the fact that I had lots of unfinished business to deal with. I had not dealt with me and so everything I touched seemed to yield results unlike what I had hoped for.
Playing victim is a comfortable position. It absolves us of responsibility and if we aren't responsible,we don't have to do anything, meantime, everything negative is ganging up on us. Everything negative was hanging up on me...I remained in a realm, a chapter, a season, a relationship,a friendship,a situation that God had long called my name out of.
I heard him warning.
I heard him calling.
I heard him walking alongside me wearily.
I felt his concern and I simply did not listen.
I was awe-struck...soon to be hard hit...soon to be hurting...soon to be devastated...soon to be running back to him.
I didn't listen to the Good voice telling me its time to leave...so I stayed.
Listening is the right thing...but it can also be a very hard thing...and that was willpower and discipline I simply did not have.
I would risk the burn, for the experience, the fun, the thrill.
Remember, Jack and Rose from Titanic, and those massive steal doors that would keep the water out. I got so caught up in the adventure and the thrill of water gushing in, that I never understood that I was drowning. I didn't pay attention to the door closing .
I know now, having made it out by a miracle alone, that seasons come for a reason and like the good ole' TD Jakes says..Don't get bitter over constituents...You love them when they come..You got to love them when they go.
The truth is, we stay back in old seasons hoping things may change,hoping things will continue, hoping to get more time..but the people in old seasons are like Limes and Lemons...when you're aligned with them...the beauty of the season is to make lemonade/lime squash. When the season is over, the beauty of the situation which can be represented by the amenities of the relationship is taken away...leaving us with just the raw individual in an expired season. Someone with no purpose at our present point...and you see, this is why we must stop dabbling with old seasons..
Once people become limes/lemons, evidence that their season is over, since all the amenities of the relationship are gone-they have taught us what we had to learn, it is time for them to go...and then being lemons, unlike many other fruits, don't ripen with new purpose- they rot.
A lemon/lime staying longer doesn't encourage sweetness-because sweetness was not the purpose. When in accordance with the purpose that was served, the lemonade was fantastic, but with the season over, the lemon, totally out of its season and purpose, with nothing else to do, unable to metamorphose into something sweet for new purpose, will sit and rot.
I remind myself to stop dabbling in old seasons because the dangerous water is rushing in, and the escape and exit is only getting smaller . I remind myself that some old seasons and people in those seasons are like limes, they would quick rot..before they get sweet and so I shouldn't waste my time and by extension...my life.
All aboard!!!!!
new season.
I simply stuggled with how to let things go. I simply struggled with how to let him go, to let disappointments ease into the past. I kept reliving my anguish. My lessons kept reappearing. How many times was it all going to be the same ending.I wanted a happy ending.
I have resisted my lessons. I have resisted the substance of many of my painful experiences and I have obsessed over simply extending the moment,with hopes that things could be different.
I look back now, amazed at the strength in character I gained from the lessons I didn't resist. I have no idea where that sort of development came from but I am proud of myself. If only I could approach those difficult areas in my life with such clarity and focus.
Truth be told, I knew better..I think we all know better, *you know?*....
Our spirits send up smoke signals, alerting us.
We hear the loud horns,telling us that the ship we should be on board in about to sail.
We tend to have a small voice that tells us to do better, even when we choose not to.
In bitterness, I spread my accumulated toxins thick. I blamed where I could and accepted small burdens. It would be too big a burden, to accept that I had done this to myself. I could barely stomach my reality and the betrayal I was feeling, much less to wrap my wounded mind around the fact that I was my own perpetrator...when did I become my own traitor. Where was my line of loyalty. It was drawn in sand...and so amidst rough times and strong wind...it got brushed away.
I had to face the fact that I had lots of unfinished business to deal with. I had not dealt with me and so everything I touched seemed to yield results unlike what I had hoped for.
Playing victim is a comfortable position. It absolves us of responsibility and if we aren't responsible,we don't have to do anything, meantime, everything negative is ganging up on us. Everything negative was hanging up on me...I remained in a realm, a chapter, a season, a relationship,a friendship,a situation that God had long called my name out of.
I heard him warning.
I heard him calling.
I heard him walking alongside me wearily.
I felt his concern and I simply did not listen.
I was awe-struck...soon to be hard hit...soon to be hurting...soon to be devastated...soon to be running back to him.
I didn't listen to the Good voice telling me its time to leave...so I stayed.
Listening is the right thing...but it can also be a very hard thing...and that was willpower and discipline I simply did not have.
I would risk the burn, for the experience, the fun, the thrill.
Remember, Jack and Rose from Titanic, and those massive steal doors that would keep the water out. I got so caught up in the adventure and the thrill of water gushing in, that I never understood that I was drowning. I didn't pay attention to the door closing .
I know now, having made it out by a miracle alone, that seasons come for a reason and like the good ole' TD Jakes says..Don't get bitter over constituents...You love them when they come..You got to love them when they go.
The truth is, we stay back in old seasons hoping things may change,hoping things will continue, hoping to get more time..but the people in old seasons are like Limes and Lemons...when you're aligned with them...the beauty of the season is to make lemonade/lime squash. When the season is over, the beauty of the situation which can be represented by the amenities of the relationship is taken away...leaving us with just the raw individual in an expired season. Someone with no purpose at our present point...and you see, this is why we must stop dabbling with old seasons..
Once people become limes/lemons, evidence that their season is over, since all the amenities of the relationship are gone-they have taught us what we had to learn, it is time for them to go...and then being lemons, unlike many other fruits, don't ripen with new purpose- they rot.
A lemon/lime staying longer doesn't encourage sweetness-because sweetness was not the purpose. When in accordance with the purpose that was served, the lemonade was fantastic, but with the season over, the lemon, totally out of its season and purpose, with nothing else to do, unable to metamorphose into something sweet for new purpose, will sit and rot.
I remind myself to stop dabbling in old seasons because the dangerous water is rushing in, and the escape and exit is only getting smaller . I remind myself that some old seasons and people in those seasons are like limes, they would quick rot..before they get sweet and so I shouldn't waste my time and by extension...my life.
All aboard!!!!!
new season.
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