"What scares me most is that I'm not yet sure that I will find a man that makes me happier than I make myself..."
Single or otherwise spoken for is a state of being. In Stella's world it is also a mindset- a way of life-an unspoken natural order.
I believe that many of us are single without even knowing it. Unfortunately this single bracket includes married people, dating people, flinging people . "checking" people and of course the really and actual single people.
More and more the single mentality speaks to me and it would speak to many more of us if we were not so constantly blinded by thinking "singlehood" is some lonesome monstrosity. Spirituality and Religions often boosts beautiful romantic unions- which is perfectly fine, if gone accordingly to the book. If we are faithful..If we're all down for 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. Man, love would be so fabulous, but as I've been observing many of us don't quite get it.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7 says 4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
..My personal confession- I am not always patient but most times kind. I wouldn't consider myself an envious person but I can identify situations that would make me feel uncomfortable..I am at times easily angered..and I tend to remember the things that people have done to hurt me. I don't always trust ....so essentially, you get where I'm going with this. I have not yet formed myself into the perfect vessel of love so trying to pass that off to others is bound to run into problems here and there. When we decide to become Love, we embark on a journey of self discovery and improvement..however..
I'm sure we've all met people or witnessed relationships that affirm our decisions to stay alone. We would rather be by ourselves than put up with that shit- AND if that is how you feel, write that down on the inside of your sunglasses so you never forget it, because somehow...being single can be ideal for many of us but only for so long.After a while, if we are not steadfast in our decisions ...we compromise ,and compromise can be a very ridiculous thing to do.
At some point, you will have to compromise with your partner but its self betrayal to compromise on the things you know you really want from someone...especially in the face of the flashing red caution sign that tells you they can never be or give to you the things you need in a relationship. If your find yourself "compromising" there- it is not compromise it is sacrifice.
Being single is nothing to be embarrassed about. It is one of the most liberating and fun experiences if you're doing it right. Some of us were meant to be single. Those of us who are meant to be single at a point when we are not carry heavy feelings that whisper to us at nights that we know we would be happier alone than in this crap relationship.
Some of us have unnatural fears crafted by ourselves and the impression we have given to the world. We have painted bliss...we want everyone to see our relationships and their high points.We want supporters and haters. We want people to want what we have. We want them to see how amazing our moment is and how they don't have that right now. We want them to validate us. When we flaunt these highs, we just secure the noose that if anything occurs in the relationship that warrants it being ended, we have the burden of telling the world, that our happily ever after ended after a couple years and a couple months.
This is not to say that one should hide their love-no. But there is also nothing wrong with keeping your private life..private.
Self Love Mastery is important before getting into ANY relationship. Loving yourself 80% doesn't suffice either. It is only when you love yourself enough to enjoy your own company that you can make a good decision about who you should be with and who could add value to your life.
There are many relationships that were built on desperation- the idea that "I should have someone by now"..."I don't want to be alone"..."he/she seems to like me alot, what the heck, why not"...
and other relationships are holding on for dear life because of us...you and I my dear readers...we are looking in on their lives or so they feel...and some persons are truly fearful of what others will think..what their parents will say..what their future in laws will think..what their friends and even what their enemies will say if they decide to walk out and pursue a single life.
Its important to remember that we have options and can excercise choice. What grieves us most in life is that not all our options are or seem favourable but that doesn't eliminate that fact that it is an option all the same.
I believe this is what affects lots of our relationships, with God and with man. Should we have four door in front us...does the pain behind any one of those doors eliminate the fact of the door's existance? No. The door is there- what is behind the door does not appeal but essential we have 4 doors. When we start to make a choice we operate by process of elmination to get the best result but even though an option is our LAST resort...it remains a resort all the same.
All this to say that staying in an unhappy relationship boils down to choice..bad choice, wrong choice, uninformed choice you decide but choice all the same. Leaving a toxic relationship to pursue one with yourself is also a choice..
Being single is a choice and is more fulfilling than many of us think...
Mandy Hale sums it so well...
“Being brave enough to be alone frees you up to invite people into your life because you want them and not because you need them.”
― Mandy Hale
“Single is no longer a lack of options – but a choice. A choice to refuse to let your life be defined by your relationship status but to live every day Happily and let your Ever After work itself out.”
― Mandy Hale
Single or otherwise spoken for is a state of being. In Stella's world it is also a mindset- a way of life-an unspoken natural order.
I believe that many of us are single without even knowing it. Unfortunately this single bracket includes married people, dating people, flinging people . "checking" people and of course the really and actual single people.
More and more the single mentality speaks to me and it would speak to many more of us if we were not so constantly blinded by thinking "singlehood" is some lonesome monstrosity. Spirituality and Religions often boosts beautiful romantic unions- which is perfectly fine, if gone accordingly to the book. If we are faithful..If we're all down for 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. Man, love would be so fabulous, but as I've been observing many of us don't quite get it.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7 says 4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
..My personal confession- I am not always patient but most times kind. I wouldn't consider myself an envious person but I can identify situations that would make me feel uncomfortable..I am at times easily angered..and I tend to remember the things that people have done to hurt me. I don't always trust ....so essentially, you get where I'm going with this. I have not yet formed myself into the perfect vessel of love so trying to pass that off to others is bound to run into problems here and there. When we decide to become Love, we embark on a journey of self discovery and improvement..however..
I'm sure we've all met people or witnessed relationships that affirm our decisions to stay alone. We would rather be by ourselves than put up with that shit- AND if that is how you feel, write that down on the inside of your sunglasses so you never forget it, because somehow...being single can be ideal for many of us but only for so long.After a while, if we are not steadfast in our decisions ...we compromise ,and compromise can be a very ridiculous thing to do.
At some point, you will have to compromise with your partner but its self betrayal to compromise on the things you know you really want from someone...especially in the face of the flashing red caution sign that tells you they can never be or give to you the things you need in a relationship. If your find yourself "compromising" there- it is not compromise it is sacrifice.
~
Being single is nothing to be embarrassed about. It is one of the most liberating and fun experiences if you're doing it right. Some of us were meant to be single. Those of us who are meant to be single at a point when we are not carry heavy feelings that whisper to us at nights that we know we would be happier alone than in this crap relationship.
Some of us have unnatural fears crafted by ourselves and the impression we have given to the world. We have painted bliss...we want everyone to see our relationships and their high points.We want supporters and haters. We want people to want what we have. We want them to see how amazing our moment is and how they don't have that right now. We want them to validate us. When we flaunt these highs, we just secure the noose that if anything occurs in the relationship that warrants it being ended, we have the burden of telling the world, that our happily ever after ended after a couple years and a couple months.
This is not to say that one should hide their love-no. But there is also nothing wrong with keeping your private life..private.
Self Love Mastery is important before getting into ANY relationship. Loving yourself 80% doesn't suffice either. It is only when you love yourself enough to enjoy your own company that you can make a good decision about who you should be with and who could add value to your life.
There are many relationships that were built on desperation- the idea that "I should have someone by now"..."I don't want to be alone"..."he/she seems to like me alot, what the heck, why not"...
and other relationships are holding on for dear life because of us...you and I my dear readers...we are looking in on their lives or so they feel...and some persons are truly fearful of what others will think..what their parents will say..what their future in laws will think..what their friends and even what their enemies will say if they decide to walk out and pursue a single life.
Its important to remember that we have options and can excercise choice. What grieves us most in life is that not all our options are or seem favourable but that doesn't eliminate that fact that it is an option all the same.
I believe this is what affects lots of our relationships, with God and with man. Should we have four door in front us...does the pain behind any one of those doors eliminate the fact of the door's existance? No. The door is there- what is behind the door does not appeal but essential we have 4 doors. When we start to make a choice we operate by process of elmination to get the best result but even though an option is our LAST resort...it remains a resort all the same.
All this to say that staying in an unhappy relationship boils down to choice..bad choice, wrong choice, uninformed choice you decide but choice all the same. Leaving a toxic relationship to pursue one with yourself is also a choice..
Being single is a choice and is more fulfilling than many of us think...
Mandy Hale sums it so well...
“Being brave enough to be alone frees you up to invite people into your life because you want them and not because you need them.”
― Mandy Hale
“Single is no longer a lack of options – but a choice. A choice to refuse to let your life be defined by your relationship status but to live every day Happily and let your Ever After work itself out.”
― Mandy Hale
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