You deserve it all. You deserve the best. You are perfect and Royal. You are exceptional .Everything and all things and everyone ought to fall in line to truly accept you for who you are...because you my dear, you are "IT", the bomb.com, the whole nine yards, You are where its at.
You are the best thing since sliced bread..
and I have done a great job at partially lying to you and feeding AND ROMANCING your ego.
Please approach my commentary with wisdom, an open mind, a grain of salt and napkin so that you don't get dirtied by the truth that I am about to feed you.
Entitlement is a mental slave chain. Yes-I am black. Yes I said slave and yes I do feel strongly about the whole transatlantic passage (I am from the Caribbean)and the years of many human beings being whipped, tortured and chained and I have made the comparison.
It is a slave chain.
Sadly, entitlement is complex but manifests itself in many of our relationships. I have had many opportunities to observe the verbose nature of the egos of people in relationships. The ONSLAUGHT of complaints about their significant other. The he or she sucks. The he or she is terrible. The he or she makes me miserable. The he or she frustrates me. Yet nobody leaves. People stay in problematic relationships, sweeping issues under the massive lumpy carpet without address the issue of ego.
Relationships are not perfect. You were not conceived from the same egg and sperm. You two were not birthed from the same vaginal canal or caesarian section. You two did not grow up learning the same domestic etiquette. You are not the same. It may be a case where you put the toilet seat up and she leaves her shaved hairs all over the shower floor. It may be a case where he religiously farts in the kitchen and picks his nose at the most inappropriate times and she obsessively scrubs every nook and cranny, fluffy all pillows, making all beds, doing all laundry in respective whites and coloureds, cold and hot loads.
In these above examples, I am sure you could clearly identify how one person's behavior can serious pose a problem to another, especially those with the bad habits. Unfortunately, because these bad habits have been this person's way of life, they do not consider their habits to be habits at all, but rather "who they are".
Entitlement has been the demise of many relationships because entitlement is basically the opposite of compromise. An entitled individual has a problem with compromise.
"I do not meet people half way. I deserve someone who goes out of their way for me".- says entitled individual.
Entitlement squeezes love out of the picture. When someone subscribes to your whims and fancies to appease you,it does not mean that they do it because they love you, but more so to pacify a tantrum and the inevitable egotistical rant which will follow if things do not go your way.
It is absolutely fine to have standards. Peachey actually however an attitude of Entitlement is "standards in overdrive". It is a disillusioned state of thinking that you are deserving without effort or compromise on your part. It is an attitude of having high expectations of others and unrealistically low expectations of yourself.
It is like expecting a salary, without gainful employment (creating it or otherwise) , combined with a level of such sheer laziness, that you would rather steal than make the effort to alleviate the unemployment issue.
Relationships can involve a lot of hard work and the word love has a way of making many of us feel like someone is supernaturally attached to us by a force that they cannot understand.And though that can in some ways be true when one is initially love struck, in my books,"love " boils down to a choice. People are not perfect but we love them anyway. We choose to love them, even though we want to deny that it is a choice on our part. I believe that your partner is with you, not because you are necessarily the best thing to happen to them (though that can be true) but because they ultimately choose to be with you.
People choose to overlook problems. People choose to end a quarrel. People choose to not start a quarrel even though they feel bothered by something their significant other did/does. A long lasting relationship eventually boils down to choice. This is not to say that love flies out the window and it becomes completely robotic and calculated choice but the chances are, that the first set of butterflies they felt for you when you seemed flawless have since then died....and those lights that would shine in your eyes have since them dimmed, presenting you as a lovely but flawed ,ordinary yet somehow special human being.
We have to accept responsibility in love. We are not perfect. We make mistakes. It must be something mutually understood. Being selfish and thinking solely about what you want and deserve often times neglects the fact that your partner has needs that you are not meeting.
Example for guys : Lets just say that you feel like your girlfriend/wife does absolutely nothing to keep you happy or interested anymore. She has lost her glow and your just can't cope. You have a list of the reasons why she is the problem. The things she could do to make things better. However it is also the list of things which she refuses to do. On her end, it is not that she doesn't want to please you, but she has been juggling quite a bit of responsibility- Work, online degree- three year old child, nearly all the house chores, meal preparations and home upkeep. She is honestly just tired and spread very thin. She would love to spend time with you. She wishes deeply that you would help her around the home or release her from the shackles of home making, find a babysitter for the week end and take her out to spend the quality time you both so long for. But you are being selfish and can only think of your unhappiness. You don't care how she feels. She has an obligation to tend to your happiness and you don't care for her reasons- she is failing!
Example for the girls: ( Revisit what I just said for the guys and make the necessary changes). There have been instances where you may have seriously come down on your significant other, not realizing how you do nothing to make the situation any better. Like the above example, It is selfishness and entitlement all the same.
Entitlement works against gratitude. It tricks you out of being thankful for what you have in your relationship and inflates your ego to think that there should be twice fold the results with your 1/4 fold effort in your relationship.
Entitlement is a slave chain. It keeps you in bonds from truly experiencing gratitude and self-less love. This is why it is a problem and an enemy of a flourishing relationship.
Appreciate everything! Don't pressure or nag people to give to you ,what you feel you deserve. Treat people with love and not like instruments created to fulfill your long and short term needs.
Every relationship is different. I am by no means encouraging individuals to stay in relationships of verbal or physical abuse. I am not endorsing remaining in unhealthy relationships or trying to manipulate you into thinking that wanting out of a dangerous situation is wrong or you are wrong for wanting better for yourself.
When you absolve yourself of responsibility in a relationship, you also absolve yourself of the power to effect change. Life "happens" to you- You react to life but you are not an active participant in producing the results that cause you discontentment.
Instead of pointing fingers and chanting down those we claim to love, we must answer more truthful questions...like... Have I been bitter and selfish and unappreciative of the tokens of love that have been shared with me? Have I been so closed minded as to refuse my partner's humble expression of love towards me because it was not grandiose in the manner I believe I deserve? Have I been expecting more of others than I am honestly willing to give or have given in the past?
Have I been quarreling for stuffed turkey and cranberry jelly, when I only bring my empty stomach to the table?
And this is what I bare in mind. People owe me nothing and so I am thankful for everything that they have done as initiative to contribute to my overall happiness.
I'm about to go have some angel hair pasta and ground TURKEY.
Remain thankful for the small things
....pass the greens and the gravy. Don't hog the potatoes >_>
Happy Thanks Giving.
^_^
Always soulful,
Stella :)
You are the best thing since sliced bread..
and I have done a great job at partially lying to you and feeding AND ROMANCING your ego.
Please approach my commentary with wisdom, an open mind, a grain of salt and napkin so that you don't get dirtied by the truth that I am about to feed you.
Entitlement is a mental slave chain. Yes-I am black. Yes I said slave and yes I do feel strongly about the whole transatlantic passage (I am from the Caribbean)and the years of many human beings being whipped, tortured and chained and I have made the comparison.
It is a slave chain.
Sadly, entitlement is complex but manifests itself in many of our relationships. I have had many opportunities to observe the verbose nature of the egos of people in relationships. The ONSLAUGHT of complaints about their significant other. The he or she sucks. The he or she is terrible. The he or she makes me miserable. The he or she frustrates me. Yet nobody leaves. People stay in problematic relationships, sweeping issues under the massive lumpy carpet without address the issue of ego.
Relationships are not perfect. You were not conceived from the same egg and sperm. You two were not birthed from the same vaginal canal or caesarian section. You two did not grow up learning the same domestic etiquette. You are not the same. It may be a case where you put the toilet seat up and she leaves her shaved hairs all over the shower floor. It may be a case where he religiously farts in the kitchen and picks his nose at the most inappropriate times and she obsessively scrubs every nook and cranny, fluffy all pillows, making all beds, doing all laundry in respective whites and coloureds, cold and hot loads.
In these above examples, I am sure you could clearly identify how one person's behavior can serious pose a problem to another, especially those with the bad habits. Unfortunately, because these bad habits have been this person's way of life, they do not consider their habits to be habits at all, but rather "who they are".
Entitlement has been the demise of many relationships because entitlement is basically the opposite of compromise. An entitled individual has a problem with compromise.
"I do not meet people half way. I deserve someone who goes out of their way for me".- says entitled individual.
Entitlement squeezes love out of the picture. When someone subscribes to your whims and fancies to appease you,it does not mean that they do it because they love you, but more so to pacify a tantrum and the inevitable egotistical rant which will follow if things do not go your way.
It is absolutely fine to have standards. Peachey actually however an attitude of Entitlement is "standards in overdrive". It is a disillusioned state of thinking that you are deserving without effort or compromise on your part. It is an attitude of having high expectations of others and unrealistically low expectations of yourself.
It is like expecting a salary, without gainful employment (creating it or otherwise) , combined with a level of such sheer laziness, that you would rather steal than make the effort to alleviate the unemployment issue.
Relationships can involve a lot of hard work and the word love has a way of making many of us feel like someone is supernaturally attached to us by a force that they cannot understand.And though that can in some ways be true when one is initially love struck, in my books,"love " boils down to a choice. People are not perfect but we love them anyway. We choose to love them, even though we want to deny that it is a choice on our part. I believe that your partner is with you, not because you are necessarily the best thing to happen to them (though that can be true) but because they ultimately choose to be with you.
People choose to overlook problems. People choose to end a quarrel. People choose to not start a quarrel even though they feel bothered by something their significant other did/does. A long lasting relationship eventually boils down to choice. This is not to say that love flies out the window and it becomes completely robotic and calculated choice but the chances are, that the first set of butterflies they felt for you when you seemed flawless have since then died....and those lights that would shine in your eyes have since them dimmed, presenting you as a lovely but flawed ,ordinary yet somehow special human being.
We have to accept responsibility in love. We are not perfect. We make mistakes. It must be something mutually understood. Being selfish and thinking solely about what you want and deserve often times neglects the fact that your partner has needs that you are not meeting.
Example for guys : Lets just say that you feel like your girlfriend/wife does absolutely nothing to keep you happy or interested anymore. She has lost her glow and your just can't cope. You have a list of the reasons why she is the problem. The things she could do to make things better. However it is also the list of things which she refuses to do. On her end, it is not that she doesn't want to please you, but she has been juggling quite a bit of responsibility- Work, online degree- three year old child, nearly all the house chores, meal preparations and home upkeep. She is honestly just tired and spread very thin. She would love to spend time with you. She wishes deeply that you would help her around the home or release her from the shackles of home making, find a babysitter for the week end and take her out to spend the quality time you both so long for. But you are being selfish and can only think of your unhappiness. You don't care how she feels. She has an obligation to tend to your happiness and you don't care for her reasons- she is failing!
Example for the girls: ( Revisit what I just said for the guys and make the necessary changes). There have been instances where you may have seriously come down on your significant other, not realizing how you do nothing to make the situation any better. Like the above example, It is selfishness and entitlement all the same.
Entitlement works against gratitude. It tricks you out of being thankful for what you have in your relationship and inflates your ego to think that there should be twice fold the results with your 1/4 fold effort in your relationship.
Entitlement is a slave chain. It keeps you in bonds from truly experiencing gratitude and self-less love. This is why it is a problem and an enemy of a flourishing relationship.
Appreciate everything! Don't pressure or nag people to give to you ,what you feel you deserve. Treat people with love and not like instruments created to fulfill your long and short term needs.
Every relationship is different. I am by no means encouraging individuals to stay in relationships of verbal or physical abuse. I am not endorsing remaining in unhealthy relationships or trying to manipulate you into thinking that wanting out of a dangerous situation is wrong or you are wrong for wanting better for yourself.
When you absolve yourself of responsibility in a relationship, you also absolve yourself of the power to effect change. Life "happens" to you- You react to life but you are not an active participant in producing the results that cause you discontentment.
Instead of pointing fingers and chanting down those we claim to love, we must answer more truthful questions...like... Have I been bitter and selfish and unappreciative of the tokens of love that have been shared with me? Have I been so closed minded as to refuse my partner's humble expression of love towards me because it was not grandiose in the manner I believe I deserve? Have I been expecting more of others than I am honestly willing to give or have given in the past?
Have I been quarreling for stuffed turkey and cranberry jelly, when I only bring my empty stomach to the table?
And this is what I bare in mind. People owe me nothing and so I am thankful for everything that they have done as initiative to contribute to my overall happiness.
I'm about to go have some angel hair pasta and ground TURKEY.
Remain thankful for the small things
....pass the greens and the gravy. Don't hog the potatoes >_>
Happy Thanks Giving.
^_^
Always soulful,
Stella :)
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