It has been a very long time since I have posted something. My drafts box keeps on expanding and expanding. Its not that I'm not blogging, I am. I just can't seem to bring myself to publish anything.
I'm sitting here typing this and perhaps when I look back , I may do so regrettably at releasing this post. (though at present I doubt it.)
My Soulfuls, I feel stupid right now and disappointed. Its easy to speak as if the negatives in life don't exist but they do. Ever so often I find myself chopping myself at the knees-feeling smaller and smaller. Stupid-er and stupid-er because I have high expectations of people. In my honest opinion, I don't believe they're all that high, just about average. I expect people to faulter. I am not perfect, they are not perfect, none of us are..but the FOOLISHNESS...that comes out from the mouth of some people is sometimes much too much for me.
If I told people that I am an introvert or have introverted tendencies they would never believe me. I truly don't come across as one. I am not socially awkward nor do I tremble in the face of crowds and break into rivers of cold sweat. I have been very "too myself" lately, so "too myself" that I've almost been disconnected from you guys.
Joy is easy to share, but truly, how does one share a struggle. I personally have my reservations as sometimes the knife you think that will come to release you from bondage is the one thats looking for the best angle to strike you in the back.
As I've gotten older, I have shed expectations of outer circles. I recall a time when almost everyone that I could have had a pleasant conversation with on more than handful of occasions was considered friend. Not so much anymore. My acquaintances are many but my friends are few. Even in acquaintances there are rankings, for I personally do not spend every waking moment with my friends/best friends. I think thats where some of the sore blows come.
Your friends know better than to say or do certain things and even when they do otherwise, they're just taking a chance outside the comfort zone with you because I suppose they have contributed enough in your life for you to realize its just love, more so "tough love".
It is easier on the other hand to have friend expectations of acquaintances. Here I am guys, truly thinking...what kind of (...) statement is that. But before I have an opportunity to realize that this person doesn't know me better and I should brush it off like nothing. The poisonous verbal treachery has already worked its way under my steal plated and into my emotions. The thing is,and I just smiled while typing this)...is that sometimes people hurt you absentmindedly.
Some people are sweet with good intentions but when they speak you would thing that their upper and lower holes were exchanged. They just speak a lot of ..nonsense. Sometimes they speak without for a moment pondering how what they're going to say will affect you. Some people down right just don't think. And that means that those of us who do think are subject to OVER THINK. We think for ourselves and then we think for people who we can't seem to think before they speak to us. We find ourselves bombarded by their thoughtless and stupidity- their stupidity ,which if I might add makes us (the "overthinkers") seem so dramatic and over -emotional...anyway. Whatever.
After a while, feeling plagued by people's thoughtlessness gets old. When you come to realize that the precious sands of time are still falling through whilst you pine and your persecutor(s) enjoy ..you learn to be a bit more like them..and enjoy life despite everything else. I believe in gratitude and all the good things but the bad things exist too. I don't want to portray perfection, just reality. So, yeh, that was my afternoon dose of reality for you guys. I have no idea if this made much sense, nore do I intend to edit this passed a decent spell check. I'm just trying to save the authenticity of who I am when problems come. The day is almost over and I gave it away to the dogs.
Sat here, feelings betrayed by something hurtful that was said to me. Aware that I am so much better and smarter than this, I can't help but wonder if I was the one who betrayed myself as oppose to the thoughtless duck I encountered.
I gave control of my mind and emotions to circumstance that did not warrant as much as I gave it.
I have given life away to a wasteful situation.
I should stop now and move on.
Yes, I suppose this post was all I needed to stop now..and move on.
...you know, at some point, after the "betrayal" by someone else, the rest of it is done to us, by us, by thinking and dwelling and reliving the very painful situations. What existed in a moment, existed. By forcing it to be constant, I forego current blessings. I either keep them at bay or ignore them as they move right past me...
Its time to stop now..and move on.
Let's just stop now..and move on..
Till next time,
Unapologetic-ally Soulful
I'm sitting here typing this and perhaps when I look back , I may do so regrettably at releasing this post. (though at present I doubt it.)
My Soulfuls, I feel stupid right now and disappointed. Its easy to speak as if the negatives in life don't exist but they do. Ever so often I find myself chopping myself at the knees-feeling smaller and smaller. Stupid-er and stupid-er because I have high expectations of people. In my honest opinion, I don't believe they're all that high, just about average. I expect people to faulter. I am not perfect, they are not perfect, none of us are..but the FOOLISHNESS...that comes out from the mouth of some people is sometimes much too much for me.
If I told people that I am an introvert or have introverted tendencies they would never believe me. I truly don't come across as one. I am not socially awkward nor do I tremble in the face of crowds and break into rivers of cold sweat. I have been very "too myself" lately, so "too myself" that I've almost been disconnected from you guys.
Joy is easy to share, but truly, how does one share a struggle. I personally have my reservations as sometimes the knife you think that will come to release you from bondage is the one thats looking for the best angle to strike you in the back.
As I've gotten older, I have shed expectations of outer circles. I recall a time when almost everyone that I could have had a pleasant conversation with on more than handful of occasions was considered friend. Not so much anymore. My acquaintances are many but my friends are few. Even in acquaintances there are rankings, for I personally do not spend every waking moment with my friends/best friends. I think thats where some of the sore blows come.
Your friends know better than to say or do certain things and even when they do otherwise, they're just taking a chance outside the comfort zone with you because I suppose they have contributed enough in your life for you to realize its just love, more so "tough love".
It is easier on the other hand to have friend expectations of acquaintances. Here I am guys, truly thinking...what kind of (...) statement is that. But before I have an opportunity to realize that this person doesn't know me better and I should brush it off like nothing. The poisonous verbal treachery has already worked its way under my steal plated and into my emotions. The thing is,and I just smiled while typing this)...is that sometimes people hurt you absentmindedly.
Some people are sweet with good intentions but when they speak you would thing that their upper and lower holes were exchanged. They just speak a lot of ..nonsense. Sometimes they speak without for a moment pondering how what they're going to say will affect you. Some people down right just don't think. And that means that those of us who do think are subject to OVER THINK. We think for ourselves and then we think for people who we can't seem to think before they speak to us. We find ourselves bombarded by their thoughtless and stupidity- their stupidity ,which if I might add makes us (the "overthinkers") seem so dramatic and over -emotional...anyway. Whatever.
After a while, feeling plagued by people's thoughtlessness gets old. When you come to realize that the precious sands of time are still falling through whilst you pine and your persecutor(s) enjoy ..you learn to be a bit more like them..and enjoy life despite everything else. I believe in gratitude and all the good things but the bad things exist too. I don't want to portray perfection, just reality. So, yeh, that was my afternoon dose of reality for you guys. I have no idea if this made much sense, nore do I intend to edit this passed a decent spell check. I'm just trying to save the authenticity of who I am when problems come. The day is almost over and I gave it away to the dogs.
Sat here, feelings betrayed by something hurtful that was said to me. Aware that I am so much better and smarter than this, I can't help but wonder if I was the one who betrayed myself as oppose to the thoughtless duck I encountered.
I gave control of my mind and emotions to circumstance that did not warrant as much as I gave it.
I have given life away to a wasteful situation.
I should stop now and move on.
Yes, I suppose this post was all I needed to stop now..and move on.
...you know, at some point, after the "betrayal" by someone else, the rest of it is done to us, by us, by thinking and dwelling and reliving the very painful situations. What existed in a moment, existed. By forcing it to be constant, I forego current blessings. I either keep them at bay or ignore them as they move right past me...
Its time to stop now..and move on.
Let's just stop now..and move on..
Till next time,
Unapologetic-ally Soulful
definitely can say ive shared those thoughts
ReplyDeletep.s. love the music
Thank You Amana. Its a nice feelings knowing I'm not alone with those thoughts:)
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