SIGH*
Hey guys:) wassup wassup!
One of my readers told me that they feel at times that I make a concerted effort to separate myself from my blog,though some part of my emotional well-being still finds its way on my post. Whatever the case as it relates to that opinion, I thought that I should just let it rip this time.
So...*clears throats and grabs elbow in nervous fashion*
My skin has been on my mind for a few weeks now. I tried to use reverse methods of gratitude for my skin.When I look in the mirror and I see blemishes over my cheeks and chin, I try to remind myself of how bad it could have been and well its not so bad,so I should cheer up. Now, thats not the same as the beaming confidence of simply feeling good because you look good.
Just so that we're clear, I have eczema and though its not the scaly kind or the dark patches kind, its this awkward chicken skin type that I have in small patches. I've also realized how my diet seriously affects my skin and on some days I feel like I have no control. I mean, after all, its my face and thats where people look when they talk to you. Now, I also understand that perhaps I'm being overly critical about a matter that people would not have noticed had I not said anything but many people experience skin issues and I'm sure they would understand.
A few days ago, I stood on a line behind a group of young females.They were extraordinarily pretty.The lighting seemed to be in favour of their skin. It was so smooth, so free of black heads,white heads, dark marks, fine lines or under eyes circles. I wondered if they knew how blessed they were to have that healthy skin. I also wondered if my glasses which tend to slip down my nose ever so often were failing to help me identify skilled and flawless make up application. Whatever it was,all I knew was that my skin didn't look like that.Not under my self-critical eye anyway.
I felt like I was doomed to have my meals show up on my face-cursed by the "you are what you eat" saying. You see, I'm also lactose intolerant.I don't abide of course because I think of a life without dairy and well though dairy by itself is no big whoop,the tastiest things in life have dairy, like macaroni pie, milkshakes, pizza, you understand right? And here I am a big foodie, cursed by my occasional lack of dietary discipline.
I've committed myself to drinking lots of water.Matter of fact I've been completely off juice for over two weeks now-I think its a lot longer but I'd rather say less time than grossly exaggerate. I've also been drinking my morning green tea without sugar.Yes!, I know, I will accept my "balls-of-steel" award now. Its been a bitter experience but I have adjusted quite nicely. I've been back to my natural hair for quite some time now as well and products can seriously affect your skin. Fortunately, I've always been very proud of my larger than norm forehead so keeping hair off my face has been no struggle at all.
I am the biggest fan of all things beautiful and I think clear skin is one of those beautiful things. I can barely remember a time when my face felt like a baby's butt and honestly..I would love for my face to be that smooth.I count my blessings-I don't have cystic acne and well to the average acne sufferer-I too may seem to fall into the flawless skin category. However at this present moment, I have a massive boil near my chin that is the size of Jupiter's twin brother. Jupiter however is located on my nose right now-dead centre.
In a strange way,I'm happier for these breakouts unlike those that came before. I've been making some serious life-style changes for quite some time, though I must admit that I over did it with the sugar in my oatmeal a while ago.I feel like my body is purging. Expelling all the toxins in my body through my body's largest organ.
All this to say that you never really know someone's struggle. I have these freckle-like moles that come across my cheeks. They're not the Austin Power Moley moley moley kind-they're freckles,yeh, I guess we can call them freckles and you know what some guy said to me guys, He said I have granny moles or granny face...or some embarrassing thing like that. Perhaps that was high grade chat, I don't know but having skin as sensitive as mine and subject to quick flares and irritation,this truly was the last thing I needed to hear. Small matters though. I just hope to share a struggle with you guys that didn't involve guru pep-talk.
Separate to this guy throwing shade on my skin. I had another encounter where a make up artist made mention of my uneven skin tone,as if the struggle wasn't real enough.My mom is light skin,my dad is dark skin and sometimes I feel like a tub of chocolate and vanilla swirl ice-cream. Its like my skin has a magnet of sunlight and then immediately after the dark chicken skin texture appears...ohh woe. It doesn't happen everywhere though-like right now, I have two dark areas on my forehead and the rest of my face is relatively pale.I've had my fair share of health scares, even to the point where my doctor had me under observation for Lupus but most people wouldn't know that,however if they see you walking in the city with an umbrella and the sun is blazing down hell-fire,they make comments like.."my girl, you a tourist" or some shameless race insults.
On any given day,you have absolutely no idea what someone is going through. There is always a reason for change and as my body changes, I'm going to ensure that I am there to embrace the changes first, before anyone else. I hope this serves to inspire anyone who is going through one insecurity or the next. I would encourage you to love yourself. Appreciate your body, its doing the best it can with what you give it and what you do to it-its only trying to support you.
Also-
Don't be too quick to judge people, especially on their skin. One of my closest uncles has a horrific disfiguring scar on his face.He fell from a balcony.He was an alcoholic and after that incident and that scar, his whole life turned around for the better.He may have been facially flawless before,but his body and spirit were suffering. He's scarred for life now and his face attracts intrigued glances but he's better deep down inside for that unfortunate experience that many will never understand by just looking at him.
This has been quite lengthy and at this point, you guys may be slipping into boredom.
I'm going to keep you posted on my journey to healthier skin & please remember
"The body is just a vessel for the soul and it very rarely indicates the contents, we were not manufactured with labeling guidelines that our exterior should indicate who we are or what we have on the inside so just keep that in mind the next time you're falling in love with someone else's appearance and falling out of love with your own. Of all the things your body does for you, it deserves your love and appreciation not your unrelenting scrutiny"- Soulfully Stella
Sincerely & Despite all else,
Loving the skin I'm in.
I'm getting there:)
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