This is me guys,with the sun peering through my hair.
I CHANGED my look. My hair looks totally different than what it use to. Now, is that a good thing or a bad thing?,I wasn't quite sure. All I knew was that I would be trying something new and I would probably have to give myself sufficient time to adjust to it before I could make that determination.
Guys, I try to not have an emotional response to things-I try. I think that even after the emotions have subsided,I'll still be here,sharing the same sentiment. So,naturally, I will share my views.
Today I came across many "reactions". After a couple of minutes, the obsessive gasping and gazing became annoying. I realized a lot of a hypocrisy towards me. My hair is a very beautiful part of me and many people identify me by it.I walk through places with my natural hair and I am called "EMPRESS" and its an honour to feel accepted and beautiful for who you are naturally-not "aye sexy"..or "psst,my girl leme have a word with you".
The two animals I feel like I identify most with are lions and eagles.Lions for my mane and spirit and eagles for my resilience and vision...maybe the occasional timid animal but more so these two.I always wondered what my face would look like,framed by a straight mane,instead of my wild,curly hair. I've been on this journey for self love and appreciation. I wanted to see myself "look different" and still see "myself" in a mirror and love me. This picture above is the first picture of me absorbing this new look.It was like learning me all over.I truly couldn't recognize myself at first but it was still me holding the camera,it was still me.
When I went out to face the world,people did not react to me as they would before.Fewer people than I expected were nice(but I did receive some compliments).(On the other hand)I got teased,interrogated and insulted. People were savage.They said it didn't look like me and I look terrible and strange. Some said I look better with my hair naturally curly.Now,though I could take that as a compliment that people preferred me as God created me,it hurt terribly to see people make deliberate jabs at my self confidence. I realized that people were not prepared to see and accept a change in me without exercising an authority that nobody gave to them (in the first place) over a decision such as this.All I could tell myself,whilst one of my best friends sat on the bed was...Change is good right?...Change is good....Change is good,Change is good ...right?
People continued throwing jabs and over imposing their personal preferences.They simply were not use to me being this different.How dare I ,explore outside their comfort zone and expectations of who I am suppose to me.And whilst all these people spoke to me,I will admit,I was thoroughly disgusted by them all. I thought,if I were terminally ill and lost my hair,I could never acquaint myself with these people who I thought would have understood.For if they said anything nice,I would know that they were lying and all their attempts to empathize would just be in accordance with the right words for the occasion.
A couple Decembers ago,I had a panic attack and cut a good couple inches on my hair,leaving my mom near petrified.My hair has grown ALOT since then.but I've always wondered who would still love me or like me,who would still laugh with me and appreciate me without my hair.You may be thinking ,"why such a big deal about hair" but hair is a very very big deal. Jamaica imposed taxes on weaves coming into the country recently.I trust that my point has been made clear.
I remember standing in one of the reception areas of my workplace and a man walked in. He looked like a victim of a terrible fire. He had evident reconstructive and skin grafting surgery,one of his ears was completely melted off.He walked different.I could tell that he was use to people staring.I also noticed the attempts of other people at pretending they did not notice. When I saw him,I saw experience.This man had seen life.I saw a solider.The vessel may have changed but he was the same person.
Now,for a change as minor as hair-.....*sigh*
I couldn't help myself but think, God forbid if I fell victim to such tragedy,how many people would remember me for me? We become very attached and identify by our physical appearance, almost forgetting that we will not always look like this. I've come across many young men who think its sufficient and that I would be "woo-ed" by a compliment on physical appearance without any acknowledgement of my spirit or character,but its not. Looks fail, your spirit is an eternal thing.People have often wondered why someone who had me completely captivated managed to steal my heart the way he did-truth is,I fell in love with his spirit and so far in life, I don't think I've come across a spirit so rich and in tune with mine as different as we may be.To all those of you know who are beaming,youthful and beautiful right now,we too will become old one day.
Gorgeous smiles will attract laugh lines and wrinkles.
Knees will ache,backs will hunch,teeth will fall out.Hair will thin and grey. Arthritis will at some point set in for some. Some will lose bowel function and become bed ridden. Some people may fall victim to terrible deformities early in life. Point is,change is inevitable-and yes,you know this. What does tomorrow hold,do you know?...I don't..and with this in mind,I realize that the emphasize that is placed on the physical is so unimportant.When you see with eyes of love, you don't see the physical.When I was a young, I would visit my grand parents-I still do-I LOVE them to death,may death remain at bay. They had a neighbour,an old lady called "eye-e"( that's honestly how people called her,remember,we are creole). IE lived alone, in a very small home.She had three toes on one foot and a couple on the other.She would tell me stories about her childhood. It was just us two,in the hut,till I'd have to run back since I snuck out in the first place. The year after, she had one toe left and a stub of her leg.The doctors cut her leg. I was growing but I.E was going blind. She had big eyes and short grey hair.We were very good friends.To this day,I remember the massive sack of raw peanuts that she gave my granny for me. I.E passed away a couple years ago, there is no one in the hut that I would once sit in and the short cut between her house and my granny's is overgrown with thick bush.
Change happens and in the most extreme ways. My soulfuls, I encourage you-to never be so blind so as to see people only in physical form.We are spiritual beings. Do not make petty differences grand. Do not focus on the physical flaws of others for you too are not perfect. Love yourself. Learn yourself and love it more. Be grateful for your body,big or small,tall or short.Be grateful for your limbs-some people don't have and matters of scratching an itch or opening doors become issues or mass proportions.
Appreciate yourself.
Appreciate others.
If you must use your words,may they always be to uplift for change is inevitable and we know not what tomorrow holds...
Soulfully.
The two animals I feel like I identify most with are lions and eagles.Lions for my mane and spirit and eagles for my resilience and vision...maybe the occasional timid animal but more so these two.I always wondered what my face would look like,framed by a straight mane,instead of my wild,curly hair. I've been on this journey for self love and appreciation. I wanted to see myself "look different" and still see "myself" in a mirror and love me. This picture above is the first picture of me absorbing this new look.It was like learning me all over.I truly couldn't recognize myself at first but it was still me holding the camera,it was still me.
When I went out to face the world,people did not react to me as they would before.Fewer people than I expected were nice(but I did receive some compliments).(On the other hand)I got teased,interrogated and insulted. People were savage.They said it didn't look like me and I look terrible and strange. Some said I look better with my hair naturally curly.Now,though I could take that as a compliment that people preferred me as God created me,it hurt terribly to see people make deliberate jabs at my self confidence. I realized that people were not prepared to see and accept a change in me without exercising an authority that nobody gave to them (in the first place) over a decision such as this.All I could tell myself,whilst one of my best friends sat on the bed was...Change is good right?...Change is good....Change is good,Change is good ...right?
People continued throwing jabs and over imposing their personal preferences.They simply were not use to me being this different.How dare I ,explore outside their comfort zone and expectations of who I am suppose to me.And whilst all these people spoke to me,I will admit,I was thoroughly disgusted by them all. I thought,if I were terminally ill and lost my hair,I could never acquaint myself with these people who I thought would have understood.For if they said anything nice,I would know that they were lying and all their attempts to empathize would just be in accordance with the right words for the occasion.
A couple Decembers ago,I had a panic attack and cut a good couple inches on my hair,leaving my mom near petrified.My hair has grown ALOT since then.but I've always wondered who would still love me or like me,who would still laugh with me and appreciate me without my hair.You may be thinking ,"why such a big deal about hair" but hair is a very very big deal. Jamaica imposed taxes on weaves coming into the country recently.I trust that my point has been made clear.
I remember standing in one of the reception areas of my workplace and a man walked in. He looked like a victim of a terrible fire. He had evident reconstructive and skin grafting surgery,one of his ears was completely melted off.He walked different.I could tell that he was use to people staring.I also noticed the attempts of other people at pretending they did not notice. When I saw him,I saw experience.This man had seen life.I saw a solider.The vessel may have changed but he was the same person.
Now,for a change as minor as hair-.....*sigh*
I couldn't help myself but think, God forbid if I fell victim to such tragedy,how many people would remember me for me? We become very attached and identify by our physical appearance, almost forgetting that we will not always look like this. I've come across many young men who think its sufficient and that I would be "woo-ed" by a compliment on physical appearance without any acknowledgement of my spirit or character,but its not. Looks fail, your spirit is an eternal thing.People have often wondered why someone who had me completely captivated managed to steal my heart the way he did-truth is,I fell in love with his spirit and so far in life, I don't think I've come across a spirit so rich and in tune with mine as different as we may be.To all those of you know who are beaming,youthful and beautiful right now,we too will become old one day.
Gorgeous smiles will attract laugh lines and wrinkles.
Change happens and in the most extreme ways. My soulfuls, I encourage you-to never be so blind so as to see people only in physical form.We are spiritual beings. Do not make petty differences grand. Do not focus on the physical flaws of others for you too are not perfect. Love yourself. Learn yourself and love it more. Be grateful for your body,big or small,tall or short.Be grateful for your limbs-some people don't have and matters of scratching an itch or opening doors become issues or mass proportions.
Appreciate yourself.
Appreciate others.
If you must use your words,may they always be to uplift for change is inevitable and we know not what tomorrow holds...
Soulfully.
Comments
Post a Comment