I'm sorry guys. I haven't been very consistent with my posts as of late. I have been battling this mild depression. Something tragic happened and I have spent many days since its occurrence wondering why.I've found myself completely startled by recent events in my life. I realize that most times, persons choose to break this news to me before the cocks even crow on a morning and it offsets my whole reality.
About two weeks ago,I woke up to the sound of my mom pacing outside my room,begging me to wake up.I sat up in bed when I realized she had tears in her eyes. Someone died.Not just anyone-someone who had extended great kindness and hospitality to me...and I woke that morning, to find out that his spirit no longer shared the same plane as mine.
My hearing has also been selective. People tend to use tragic circumstances to talk about an individual they don't know-just to feel knowledgeable and sound smart,so I've been tuning people out.I've spent my days with persons who can be considered a second family.
The pain of loss is indescribable. The helplessness is humbling. Its only in the face of death that we can truly understand "us" being under the force of Someone greater.We await the type of consolation that nobody can really give us. We're just sitting, wide eyed-waiting for God to turn back time or shake us out of our nightmare. Believe it or not, I saw all of this pain ,in someone's eyes. I remembered the feeling from my own personal tragedies,however, I must admit, this one was so much worse.
I experienced an epiphany when I saw the body this person. A body is just a vessel. I don't understand why we tend to love them soo much and neglect the spirit. A body is nothing without a spirit. It begs to reason that love truly lies in the spirit-I don't think you can love looks.They fade so quickly.They're at the mercy of daily circumstance. You trip,you fall-you scar your face. You're hit by a vehicle,you break bones/become disfigured.You die and you just don't look the same. Its like a balloon. The spirit of God,the breath of life within you..made you great..large..fun..beautiful. Without it. It's leaves nothing much left.
So far ...I have woken up three times to the news of people who died when I was asleep. I cherish opening my eyes on a morning so much more. My ability to empathize is profound. Its not hard to feel what someone else is feeling,when you're looking at people the way you would look at yourself. God has also led me through my own hardships and I don't forget the pain of where I've been. It was too great. Life is changing so quick. I don't even know what to do with my expectations anymore. My dreams are second in God's plan-Its his will first. Its scary,though I shouldn't be scared but that's where I've been. Many friends have tried calling me for weeks and have been unable to reach me and though it wasn't an immediate family concern-the shock turned me into quite a recluse for some time. BUT-in all things God is good,his ways are not our ways nor will our minds ever truly begin to grasp the beauty of what he has in store for us. So, in the absence of clarity and understanding, I choose to remain faithful. I have learned now to cherish relationships and communicate feelings a bit more and for that I am grateful.
I don't intend to delve into details,nor would I encourage you to speculate. All in all-I'm praying that God in due time will reveal something good out of something which appears in our human eyes as very unfortunate.We are in God's refining fire. We are at school with the Lord. Let us fine tune our listening to his message.
Truthfully- There is no other choice but to try to be optimistic.Nothing lasts forever,not joy and certainly not pain.
Soulfully.
About two weeks ago,I woke up to the sound of my mom pacing outside my room,begging me to wake up.I sat up in bed when I realized she had tears in her eyes. Someone died.Not just anyone-someone who had extended great kindness and hospitality to me...and I woke that morning, to find out that his spirit no longer shared the same plane as mine.
My hearing has also been selective. People tend to use tragic circumstances to talk about an individual they don't know-just to feel knowledgeable and sound smart,so I've been tuning people out.I've spent my days with persons who can be considered a second family.
The pain of loss is indescribable. The helplessness is humbling. Its only in the face of death that we can truly understand "us" being under the force of Someone greater.We await the type of consolation that nobody can really give us. We're just sitting, wide eyed-waiting for God to turn back time or shake us out of our nightmare. Believe it or not, I saw all of this pain ,in someone's eyes. I remembered the feeling from my own personal tragedies,however, I must admit, this one was so much worse.
I experienced an epiphany when I saw the body this person. A body is just a vessel. I don't understand why we tend to love them soo much and neglect the spirit. A body is nothing without a spirit. It begs to reason that love truly lies in the spirit-I don't think you can love looks.They fade so quickly.They're at the mercy of daily circumstance. You trip,you fall-you scar your face. You're hit by a vehicle,you break bones/become disfigured.You die and you just don't look the same. Its like a balloon. The spirit of God,the breath of life within you..made you great..large..fun..beautiful. Without it. It's leaves nothing much left.
So far ...I have woken up three times to the news of people who died when I was asleep. I cherish opening my eyes on a morning so much more. My ability to empathize is profound. Its not hard to feel what someone else is feeling,when you're looking at people the way you would look at yourself. God has also led me through my own hardships and I don't forget the pain of where I've been. It was too great. Life is changing so quick. I don't even know what to do with my expectations anymore. My dreams are second in God's plan-Its his will first. Its scary,though I shouldn't be scared but that's where I've been. Many friends have tried calling me for weeks and have been unable to reach me and though it wasn't an immediate family concern-the shock turned me into quite a recluse for some time. BUT-in all things God is good,his ways are not our ways nor will our minds ever truly begin to grasp the beauty of what he has in store for us. So, in the absence of clarity and understanding, I choose to remain faithful. I have learned now to cherish relationships and communicate feelings a bit more and for that I am grateful.
I don't intend to delve into details,nor would I encourage you to speculate. All in all-I'm praying that God in due time will reveal something good out of something which appears in our human eyes as very unfortunate.We are in God's refining fire. We are at school with the Lord. Let us fine tune our listening to his message.
Truthfully- There is no other choice but to try to be optimistic.Nothing lasts forever,not joy and certainly not pain.
Soulfully.
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