"..my heart has known no greater grief,than finding joy,solace and shelter in your presence and then to have my covering removed..I cannot fathom how persons have survived before me with such unbearable absence and longing...each sunrise and sunset is a small accomplishment..as I step out into the future without you"- L.DuncanEssentially,life is this journey,where in my mind,we were placed on this earth to learn and share with fellow spirits. The topic of missing is something dear to my heart and I've had to learn the concept of "missing" from a very tender age-having a parent who works really far away. Nothing quite sums up the confused pain of having developed this invisible steel cable bond with someone and then having it forcefully severed.
Typing this up has caused me much stress to be honest and even that is as a result of coping with "missing". People quote cliche's effortlessly...as if to say..when you miss someone..move on,there is better and all sorts of "stuff" that do little to console;for the most part-it just made me feel stupid as if my feelings were unjustified.
This weekend, a friend of 11 years sobbed in my arms. My friend will be moving away...He is one of the greatest blessings in my life...one of the truest and best friends one could ever ask for....When I was about 11 years old, my best friend called me. It was a Tuesday night, she called to tell me she would be leaving tomorrow and would not be coming back....and so...I sobbed,we sobbed,over the phone,till I fell asleep.
When I was 5 years old, I remember standing at the airport with my mom. We had been waiting for quite some time. It seemed like my daddy would never get there. Plane after plane. People came and people left. My eyes still scoped the runway...till I figured maybe something bad had happened and He wasn't going to come after all.I was really tired-I remember that feeling clearly and so I cried. I remembered my mom teased me,not in a malicious way,I have a great mom. She teased me in a way that made me embarrassed of crying for someone,embarrassed for missing someone. I specifically recall crying because I was tired and frustrated but I suppose it can be considered one in the same.
I left St. Lucia for some time,when I came back, I returned with one black dress-an odd piece in my new wardrobe. The next day my granny took ill. I sat at her bedside at the hospital. She held my hand...tightly. Mum died not to long after. It really clicked,seeing her in a casket. It clicked again, when I saw her favorite chair folded and leaning against a wall. A folded chair has never caused me that much grief in my life.
The quote which starts if this piece was inspired by a romantic love interest who I miss more than words could ever ever tell...
Missing is painful, but it is all part of the process of separating. For whichever reason, paths which were once joined are coming to an uncomfortable separation. The previous unison of souls comes to a heart wrenching division. Most times, there is little we can do to change the situation-and so we pray,because we really see how the situation is truly out of our hands.
Missing happens over various situations. Considering the vast number of things a person can become attached to and the boundless capacity with which some persons love-it is completely understandable why some persons for some time are inconsolable. I'd always hear my mom say- "who feels it, knows it". It is true.
Losing someone is like losing a limb,life is never really the same after, you move on because you have no control over the sunrise and sunset but emotionally,one can remain broken down and disheartened for years. I'm not trying to be pessimistic. I'm just being honest about the reality.
Eventually, some get to the point where they reclaim good judgement and try not to allow a tragic change of circumstance to tarnish their spirits and optimism-but its still really hard.
Faith is an important component when it comes to living though "missing".
Life is a journey and as such,we won't move forward if we won't take steps in that direction. It is one of the saddest thoughts to express but I've come to the realization that irrespective of how resistant we are to it-change will come. Often times when persons speak about change,they talk about its importance yet forget to emphasize how difficult it is- the reason so many resist it so vehemently. Doesn't mean because its painful means we need to avoid it though-remember, Babies are beautiful but labour is not.
I look at the person I am today and who I am becoming. I realized that many of my encounters with "missing" have impacted the intricate details of my character...for instance
I had this pet once..Dober. She was a doberman- I couldn't seem to name her and so I called her Dober. Dober outlived all my other dogs. She was soo graceful. She would cross her paws when we sat together. She had two pups-One died from an injured leg and the other I found dead by the roadside-a vehicle hit my puppy. Dober then had an eye infection and I cried soo much-my dad had no choice but to bring her to the vet. I sat with her as the vet prepared her shot and I told her she would be alright.She got better. Dober got older and started shedding more and more...my Dog then got mammary gland cancer. ...the long n short..
Dober died...and I never got a dog after that...My dad has a dog...my sister has a dog...but not me.
Point here. The pain of losscan be crippling. It can cause you to fear bonding, but don't. Don't be afraid to live again,love again,care again,trust again....
There will be a part two..
but trust that the sun will rise tomorrow God willing..
Best to shine with it.
Soulful and True
"
There has never been a poet able to heal with words, nor accurately express with phrases, the pain of missing a lost loved one.” ― Steve Maraboli
I can totally relate. Nice article
ReplyDelete