I have a boulder weighing in on my chest-I'm going to vent-You know the drill
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On one particular day when walking to the bus stand after school. (I was at secondary school at the time)-I went into a bakery and my "intuition" said buy two buns and so I did. I couldn't understand why i felt this strong incline to buy two "white sugar topped buns". ANYWAY---- I left the bakery and continued walking the blocks till my bus stand. In the corner,by an open supermarket,I saw a vagrant rummaging through deep green bins and then I felt like my previous inexpiable action finally had some reason to it. I was meant to give it to the vagrant. I was young at the time but i felt it strongly. I KNEW that that was why-because,someone lower down the road would need what i have to offer.
Boy! I stood there feeling soo trivialize. I was afraid. Lots of persons who find themselves destitute in St. Lucia eventually become crazy and I was afraid that he was crazy. I didn't know how to walk up to him,what to say,how to hand it to him,how to walk away. I was scared. So I continued standing there while my conscience beat me all about my body. I felt that true Christianity would be manifested in our helping those who could not help themselves. I thought that at that time- as strange as this may sound to some readers..."what if he was Jesus"?...what if that was when I was to answer to the question- when I was hungry,did you feed me? and my readers,the long and short of this story is that I did not feed the vagrant. I walked away with my brown paper wrapped buns. I had no appetite-but he did-and I walked away.
Some may find it laughable-but i have lived with that guilt for years.I was more than capable and I did not give to someone who needed.
Fast Forwardingggggg to TODAY.
I have been sick for days.I went to the Dr. today. BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA
I left the pharmacy and proceeded to get something to eat. So i saw this special and i figured ,hey! why not. It was super cheap and i wondered the size.See, I was experiencing hulk size hunger and i could deal with peanut size portions..not now-I just wanted to get a quick bite to head home and be nursed with my medz...
Long and short. I bought two of the specials. Two chicken burgers...I left the place..and headed to my bus stand.When i got there,I looked for the next bus heading home and I saw a vagrant washing it. The driver said something to him ,he opened the door and I went inside. I started asking myself again. He went around the entire bus doing his thing and washing up and I sat there-my mind working.
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As i was going to bite into it-He opened the window and said would you like the window open or closed. I'm not sure what i responded. I think i said closed. Breeze agitated my cough. POINT is---I ate them-I say it bluntly but trust me when i tell you...I feel bad that i hadn't given or at least offered it to him.He opened the bus door and said to a lady when she coughed.."my lady..you have the cold..where you living, ...thats close to the village" There are no villages close to where we live..and i say that-not to point out his blatant error but to emphasis on how nice he was,how considerate,how thoughtful-irrespective of his poverty .
In retrospect, I see how I had been presented with similar situations twice in life thus far and even with years separating the two occurrences-my decisions or rather my lack of lead me to realize that I have not developed the fearless I require in one aspect. That's a problem.
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It is easy to be nice to those who are nice to you. Do good to and for those who do similarly for you. To give to those who give to you. BUT what about those who have nothing to give you-those who just need you.Twice in my life,I am very away that I was not the good Samaritan to the man who needed me.
I sit here very discontented with my lack of action towards a simple but true cause.
Most times, there is always something light or refreshing about the post-Tonight though..not so much I suppose. I hope what I've shared helps propel some serious meditation tonight.
Night Bumpkins
Boy! I stood there feeling soo trivialize. I was afraid. Lots of persons who find themselves destitute in St. Lucia eventually become crazy and I was afraid that he was crazy. I didn't know how to walk up to him,what to say,how to hand it to him,how to walk away. I was scared. So I continued standing there while my conscience beat me all about my body. I felt that true Christianity would be manifested in our helping those who could not help themselves. I thought that at that time- as strange as this may sound to some readers..."what if he was Jesus"?...what if that was when I was to answer to the question- when I was hungry,did you feed me? and my readers,the long and short of this story is that I did not feed the vagrant. I walked away with my brown paper wrapped buns. I had no appetite-but he did-and I walked away.
Some may find it laughable-but i have lived with that guilt for years.I was more than capable and I did not give to someone who needed.
Fast Forwardingggggg to TODAY.
I have been sick for days.I went to the Dr. today. BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA
I left the pharmacy and proceeded to get something to eat. So i saw this special and i figured ,hey! why not. It was super cheap and i wondered the size.See, I was experiencing hulk size hunger and i could deal with peanut size portions..not now-I just wanted to get a quick bite to head home and be nursed with my medz...
Long and short. I bought two of the specials. Two chicken burgers...I left the place..and headed to my bus stand.When i got there,I looked for the next bus heading home and I saw a vagrant washing it. The driver said something to him ,he opened the door and I went inside. I started asking myself again. He went around the entire bus doing his thing and washing up and I sat there-my mind working.
.jpg)
As i was going to bite into it-He opened the window and said would you like the window open or closed. I'm not sure what i responded. I think i said closed. Breeze agitated my cough. POINT is---I ate them-I say it bluntly but trust me when i tell you...I feel bad that i hadn't given or at least offered it to him.He opened the bus door and said to a lady when she coughed.."my lady..you have the cold..where you living, ...thats close to the village" There are no villages close to where we live..and i say that-not to point out his blatant error but to emphasis on how nice he was,how considerate,how thoughtful-irrespective of his poverty .In retrospect, I see how I had been presented with similar situations twice in life thus far and even with years separating the two occurrences-my decisions or rather my lack of lead me to realize that I have not developed the fearless I require in one aspect. That's a problem.
.jpg)
It is easy to be nice to those who are nice to you. Do good to and for those who do similarly for you. To give to those who give to you. BUT what about those who have nothing to give you-those who just need you.Twice in my life,I am very away that I was not the good Samaritan to the man who needed me.I sit here very discontented with my lack of action towards a simple but true cause.
Most times, there is always something light or refreshing about the post-Tonight though..not so much I suppose. I hope what I've shared helps propel some serious meditation tonight.
Night Bumpkins
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